Anyway, I was working on the Gracious Gazelle down near Monmartre, that's a place in Paris that has like these awesome steps and flag poles and stuff to do your free running training. So I was there at Monmartre, and doing the walkthrough for the Gracious Gazelle - it was basically a move where I ran up to a wall and bounded over the top of it without touching it, sort of how the European Union hasn't been able to touch the Greecian debt, hahahaha. See that's funny cause Greece is poor and, well, never mind. So it basically went like this, I'd run up to the wall and jump over it, without touching it, and I would twist and flip to my back and land in a reverse handstand and then flip to my feet and keep going. It was a work of art, really. So I worked on this move, the Gracious Gazelle, I told you that was what it was called, right? Well, while I was doing the Gracious Gazelle, this guy come over to me and asked what I was doing. He told me he was a free runner, too, and that my move would never work cause he was ranked in the top 5 of the world and could tell that I didn't really have the skills to pull it off. And I challenged him. I told him there was no way he could beat me, and we had ourselves a HORSE match of free running.
He ended up losing to me, cause well, I'm the best. My winning trick was a double backflip, 725 twisting, layout handpush wallbanger run around. And I did it off the top of the Eiffel Tower. Now before you go thinking too much that two twists would only be a 720, let me tell you that anybody can do a 720, but only Mason Granthananthanam can pull of the precision of going just five degrees more. You ever heard of anyone else that could use that much precision and finesse in free running? No, I don't think so. And that's just who Mason Granthananthanam is - I'm the guy that goes that extra mile no matter what. I'm always better than everybody, no matter what they have done or try to do.
I guess the real thrill of it, for me, is that my free running, and being the best at everything, is really helping the rebirth and growth of the Greecian economy. See, I'm three quarters Greek, on my mother's side, and it really hurts to see my people hurting like that. So I free run and bring attention to free running, and to Mason Granthananthanam, and I show people that free running is the way to get the economic ruin back on it's feet. It's inspirational, bro! Free running, as a sport, and a job, shows the leaders and economic bigwigs that no matter what happens, if you fall off a roof and land on a car three stories below, you can get up and walk away. Like even if you make a mistake and, I don't know, puncture your spleen on the wing of a Athenian cherub statue while you're trying to climb the Parthenon, you can still hop right up and take on the challenge of getting to the top. I'm basically, single-handedly, about to skyrocket Greece back to a prominent world power by free running, it's what I was born to do. Well, I was also born to raise my lovely daughter, Amelioloria Granthananthanam.
She's a true gem, that one, but my only regret is that she spent so long with her mother. See her mom is a competitive eater, and well, Amelioloria unfortunately acquired many of her mother's eating habits. She's fat is what I'm saying. That's my greatest shame - that I, Mason Granthananthanam, have a fat daughter. And when I say fat, I know you think you have fat people in your family, but let me tell you, she is like super freaking fat. Think Shamu meets Harry from Harry and the Hendersons mixed with Mama June, and that's my Amelioloria. And actually, I've been trying to embrace her fatness rather than change it because she seems comfortable with herself. I've been shopping a story idea around to some of the TV networks.
We would call the show, Super-Fat. It would star Amelioloria, obviously, as a hip, slick talking, crime fighting detective in the mean streets of New Haven, Connecticut. She'd chase the evil-doers and stop their dasterdly plots through the use of food as her weapon. She'd have an awesome, free-running sidekick, probably played by Mason Granthananthanam, who would be a good counterpoint, a bastion of health and wellness, to her obesity and girth. And her sidekick would usually be the one to catch the bad guys in the end, because despite Super-Fat's best efforts, she would always end up getting distracted by the many fried, fatty, fast food joints that happened to be near her while she was chasing the bad guy.
So far, NBC, ABC, CBS, ABC Family, TruTV, and Spike have all said no. Sci-fi is thinking about it, and partnering us with Stan Lee for a comic book deal, and we have a strong pull with Univision for some reason. Well, I'm out. Gotta go train some more to make all these noobs look a fool in the free running world. Later, bro!
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