The First Ever Mugshot Diary

Man, I ain't even do nothin an dis how I end up? Ain't right I tell ya. I was jes mindin my own bidness, tryna grab a quick bite t'eat wit my girl, Loshawdrah, over to the Pik-n-Sav. Well, maybe dat ain't espressly true. We was tryna grab some booze on da sly an a couple dem wiener on a stick thangs cuz we was hungry. So we walk in, an this chick I ain't nevuh even seen befo come at me like I owe her sum esplanashun bout where I been all dis time.

Loshawdrah, I calls her Losha, like dat Roberry Logia dude from da family guy. So Losha look at me all cray cray wit dem eyes a hers dat sez she bout to get wit it, you kno? An right bout dat time, it hit me. Dis chick, dat aint stop screamin bout I owe her my chil sport, was my high school hottie, Bonefica Blondstein. Man, she was fine back in the day. She was half Dominican, half Jewish...it was weird but it did me ok. But dang, time ain't be no good t'her. She got all bloated an what not, I din't even recanize huh.

So Losha and Boney Bone, that were her name cuz, well, you know wha I'm sayin, they start goin at it right thur in da sto. Hair pullin, scratchin, yellin an carryin on. I tried to stop it but you know you don't get between two chickens when dey go to scrapin. An den olive a sutten, boff dem turn on me. An now I's covered in dis moldy smellin cheese sauce and gettin shoved in a cop car fo nothin, man. Don't make no sense!